Do you ever feel like you’re wasting your breath? I do.

I’m having a real problem with the trees around our home.

If I’ve told them once I’ve told them a thousand times not to shed leaves after November 11.

I gave them due warning to get rid of their foliage but oh no, they knew better.

I told them Cheshire East would withdraw their services on that date and any unshed leaves would lay on footpaths creating a lethal slippery surface, but would those trees listen?

Do they care about broken bones and slipped discs? No, they do not.

Oak trees are the worst offenders. Well, if they think they can bully me with their bulging branches they are in for a big surprise. When they see the size of my chain saw they’ll realise my bite is as big as their bark.

Yew trees are thick, no point in discussing anything with them whereas horse chestnuts are most obliging. They dumped all their nuts and foliage back in October – no problem. Straight into the green bin with days to spare.

No skating rink under their branches.

Sycamores are normally very considerate but not this year. I think they are being unduly influenced. They’ve been hanging around with the birches, always a bad sign. As for the willows, I give up.

Yes, I know leaves may fall until Christmas but not this year.

Cheshire East decreed they shed foliage until November 11 and no later.

If wet footpaths become death traps for the elderly, it’s not their problem.

Unless, of course, it’s in a public place, in which case they’ll get sued by accident lawyers. And guess who will pay the bill?If it wasn’t for those pesky trees...