You have to feel for young Wayne Rooney. How’s he suppose to keep up appearances on £100K a week?

He’s so down at heel people are starting to compare him with Shrek. It’s very embarrassing.

Trouble is he’s started to play football like Shrek and it doesn’t gel with his desire for glory.

I’m not sure publicly criticising his fellow players is good for team spirit or that calling into question United’s ambition will enhance his relationship with Sir Alex but, hey, a man has to do what a man has to do.

The fans believe it was all a stunt to bump up his wages. "It’s not about money," says Wayne.

Well, there’s one sure way to prove that: donate the extra £150K a week to East Cheshire Hospice.

I’m sure patron Ryan Giggs will keep an eye on it and with the millions he makes from sponsorship deals Wayne will be well sorted.

They won’t be calling him Shrek then, unless of course he continues to play so poorly, in which case Shrek will sound like a compliment.

To be honest I’m not sure who I feel sorry for most: Wayne or Shrek (I’m erring on the side of Shrek).

Unfortunately, Mr Rooney chose to criticise his club just as United unveiled a brilliant Mexican striker who’s scoring sensational goals for fun.

Trust Sir Alex to find another Ronaldo when the pressure is on. He’s not one to allow players to call the shots.

History says Wayne Rooney is on very thin ice, both home and away.

The views expressed here are Vic Barlow's and not necessarily those of the Express