After downing a couple (make that several) glasses of pinot I squinted at an advert on Sky offering me a Jaguar for £3 a month and immediately planned to sell my pickup.
I imagined gliding through town in my luxury limo instead of chugging along in a thumping great truck stinking of Labradors.
"What’s got into you?" asked Mrs B.
"I’m just fed up of arriving at weddings with everybody looking under their shoes to see if they’ve stood in anything."
"Don’t be so sensitive."
"It’s true. As soon as I turn up people start sniffing as if an incontinent bloodhound just walked through the door."
"Nonsense."
"They do, that’s why you never dance with me. You’re afraid of getting dog hairs on your dress."
"So, what’s your plan?" she enquired.
"I’m selling the pickup and getting a Jaguar for £3 a month."
"Are you serious?"
"It’s probably some special promotion."
"That’s not an advert for a car."
"Course it is, I just saw it on Sky."
"It’s a campaign to save the Amazon rain forest."
"Give over. It says I can have a Jaguar for three quid a month."
"Not Jaguar with a big ‘J’, jaguar with a little ‘j’.
"Does it matter what size of ‘J’? I asked.
"It will when you hear it growl."
I cancelled the sale of my dog truck and wondered what on earth anyone would do with a jaguar (little ‘j’ right?). Why didn’t they just ask us to donate £3 towards saving the rain forest, or better still ask Sting? I love cats of all sizes but there are big cats and BIG cats. Yes, I know they are cute when they’re kittens but they need a lot of milk and we just don’t have saucers that big.
I’ll gladly send a donation to save the rain forest …just hang fire on the jaguar.
