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1. I'm looking forward to a great British summer
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 16 July 2008IT’S summer; Lulu’s coming to Macc; MPs are heading for home (the one they paid for not the one we paid for); Cheeky Girl twin Gabriela plans to marry the Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik so there’s still a Cheeky Girl spare for anyone who needs one. Heather Mills is living in New York and Gordon Ramsey has gone to LA so it’s not all bad news. Mrs B’s bought sunscreen for the pig but not for me; you can see where her priorities lie.
2. My old surgery is dead good
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 9 July 2008I DROVE past my old doctor’s surgery today and saw to my horror it has become a funeral parlour.
3. If the medicine didn't kill us - well then, we had to be cured
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 9 July 2008GUESS what I found in the back of an old cupboard? An ancient bottle of camomile lotion.
4. Pass your test and drive a supercar the same day
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 9 July 2008I WAS heading home down the Wilmslow bypass in the rush hour traffic when the car on my inside lane suddenly swerved right.
5. Answer is so easy
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 9 July 2008WHY are civil liberties groups working themselves into a lather about the record number of inmates in British jails? It’s no mystery: we have more criminals.
6. Why I'm all for corporal punishment
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 2 July 2008ALTHOUGH I’ve never regarded myself as a loyalist, I have to say Her Majesty’s unblemished 55-year reign under the microscopic scrutiny of the world’s press is mighty impressive.
7. Wardens' only impact is driving retail away
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 2 July 2008I WAS travelling through Wilmslow last week and remembered I needed a pair of trainers.
8. Can judges put us in the picture over their sentencing priorities?
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 2 July 2008YOU may recall 47-year-old Shaun Greenhalgh living in a Bolton council house with his 84-year-old father, wheelchair bound mother and aged aunt.
9. £3million pay deal for running Royal Mail into the ground
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 18 June 2008HAS there ever been a more clueless managing director than Adam Crozier? Having achieved absolutely nothing at the FA he’s somehow managed to generate the first operating loss in Royal Mail’s illustrious history.
10. Can you tell me who this Piffy is?
Macclesfield Express, Wednesday 18 June 2008I WAS passing Pete’s Chippy when an old chap on the opposite side of Duke Street asked if it was open. I shook my head and he replied: "I’m fair clemmed."