The animal charity I support (ASV) is running desperately short of funds.
It costs money to feed, shelter and care for distressed pets so I need to help out by raising some cash.
I tapped everyone I knew to sponsor me in the half-marathon so I can’t do that again.
I’m no good at cycling, swimming or climbing mountains so no sponsorship there. I’m certainly not having MUFC tattooed on my arm even if Sir Alex begs me.
I am, however, quite good at talking, which is not a quality I usually brag about, but needs must, so here’s what I intend to do. If you are holding a dinner or a function I’ll be your guest speaker ( and tell you stories I daren’t tell in the newspaper.) I don’t drink so I’m very cheap to have around.
If you are holding a charity auction, I’ll be your auctioneer. (By the time I have them laughing they won’t know how much they are bidding.)
All I want is a cheque for Animal Support Volunteers and I’m yours for the evening.
Look, I’ve got dogs to rescue and cats to save so I’m not proud.
Nearing the end of a particular difficult speaking engagement in Manchester I finally heard a single member of the audience clap.
“Thank you so much,” I said gratefully.
“No need for thanks, pal,” came the reply. “I’m just getting the sauce out of the bottle.”
The things I do for charity – text me on 07590 560 012.