How’s your Christmas holiday going? Did you survive the relatives? Where are you up to with the turkey? We’re doing sandwiches, heading towards soup. If you are having a night in with friends and neighbours try this little quiz. It’ll sort the cats from the kittens...
1) There is a daytime raid on your local jewellers. The manager calls for urgent assistance. Who arrives first?
- a) Wilmslow Police
- b) Macclesfield Police
- c) The Bengal Lancers
2) A suspicious character is arrested on Mill Street. What does he have hidden down his left trouser leg?
- a) A knife
- b) A gun
- c) A leg of lamb
3) What is Hoopers?
- a) A bronchial ailment
- b) A swan
- c) A department store
4) Cheshire East want to spend £374m on a giant recycling plant. Their current recycling arrangements cost £4m a year. How long will it take for this plant to pay for itself?
- a) Several decades
- b) Probably never
- c) It doesn’t matter, we’ll all be dead before then
5) What did Macclesfield magistrates consider a suitable penalty for a speeding, uninsured and disqualified driver?
- a) Two years in jail
- c) Two hundred hours community service
- d) Eight points on the driving licence he didn’t have
6) What does Alderley call a narrow single lane?
- a) A towpath
- b) A bridle way
- c) A by-pass
7) What’s the difference between a WAG and an orange?
- a)Oranges don’t glow in the dark
- b)You can hold an interesting conversation with an orange
- c)WAGS have thicker skin
8) If all the kebabs bought in Macclesfield on Saturday night were laid end-to-end the line would stretch to where?
- a) Lower Peover
- b) Bollington
- c) Pete’s Chippy
9) Sir Alex Ferguson has promised to do for Wayne Rooney:
- a) What Sir Matt did for Bobby Charlton
- b) What Tommy Docherty did for George Best
- c) What David Haye did for Audley Harrison
10) Teak, Oak and Mahogany are all what?
- a) Babies’ names
- b) Types of wood
- c) Shades of Wilmslow women
11) The most asked question in Cheshire East is:
- a) Who shot JR?
- b) Where’s the Wizard?
- c) What's that on White Nancy?
12) Alderley residents waited 90 years for what?
- a) A Premiership footballer to pass the 11-Plus
- b) A policeman
- c) A by-pass
13) What’s the best place in Macclesfield to go ice skating?
- a) On a pond
- b) On a reservoir
- c) On a graveyard
14) What do you close in a bus station?
- a) A door
- b) A window
- c) The information desk
15. Where are we now advised to learn about bus timetables in Macclesfield?
- a) From bus conductors
- b) From bus drivers
- c) From wall posters
16) When MPs use the phrase: "We are all in this together?" what does it mean?
- a) Some people may suffer
- b) We are all going to suffer
- c) You’re going to suffer
17) According to the Beatles, there were ‘a thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.’ How many holes are there at any one time in Cheshire’s roads?
- a) Hundreds
- b) Councillors are looking into it
- c) Impossible to count them due to road works
18) They say blood is thicker than water and …
- a) It doesn’t pay to work with relatives
- b) They should never mix
- c) WAGS are thicker than both
19) What’s the first question asked in a Macclesfield pub quiz?
- a) Is there an away leg on a cat?
- b) What do you do with a kumquat?
- c) Who are you staring at, pal?
20) Ten out of eight councillors can’t…
- a) Listen
- b) Agree
- c) Do fractions
HOW DID YOU SCORE?
Give yourself 1 point for every A answer, 2 points for every B, and 3 points for every C:
- 0-20 (Stray Cat) - God knows where you live, but it’s not round here.
- 21-40 (House Cat) - You need to get out more.
- 41-50 (Alley Cat) - Not much escapes your claws.
- 51-60 (Top Cat) - Congratulations, you are one of Cheshire’s Top Cats.