Right ladies, answer me this: Have you EVER been dressed, groomed and ready to go on a night out before your man?
Have you ever stood at the front door, keys in hand, freezing your tail off, waiting to lock up while your partner decides to change his outfit? If you answered yes to any of the above please put a fiver in the fibber’s box.
Doesn’t happen does it, girls? Being on the last minute is a female ritual along with: ‘Do you like me in this dress?’ for which there is no correct answer.
Mrs B operates in a time warp where ‘we need to leave at 7pm’ means ‘I will be ready at 10 past’.
Even more annoying is the long goodbye where the lag between saying goodnight and actually leaving can take anything up to an hour.
I have suggested Mrs B bids farewell as we arrive to get the ritual started early but to no avail. When blokes say goodnight they are gone.
A quick wave or a back slap and we’re out of there. We don’t swan around making sure everyone has seen our outfit before we leave.
If we nip to the loo we do it by the most direct route not by circling the party waving our Mulberry.
Don’t do air kisses, girls. It drives us mad. If you really want to give Felicity or Fiona a peck on the cheek, make contact. You won’t find us shaking hands with thin air…it makes no sense.
Just bid goodnight to immediate company, you’re not emigrating. You don’t need to acknowledge the entire room. No one is going to announce ‘Mavis is leaving the building.’
Be gracious by all means, but don’t waltz around like you’re in Strictly. Just express your thanks, kiss the host and vamoose. Employ this simple ritual and your man will follow you slavishly (until Match of the Day).
It's a lurve thing.
Wishing you all a very happy and healthy Christmas.
Meet me back here next week to find out if you are a REAL Cheshire Cat