I had a call today from a famous footballer ( let's call him Bo) I met when helping him with his dog.
Bo told me he's never had an extra-marital affair and is terrified people will find out as it will ruin his credibility. Soccer's a big business and promiscuity is the industry standard. How's he going to face his teammates when they learn of his monogamy?
His wife will be humiliated in front of all those WAGS who've made a career out of stoic forgiveness. How can she appeal to Bo's sense of guilt and get him to buy her mother a house if he has nothing to be guilty about?
Even his kids expected him to at least snog a granny. Bo's fidelity is proving a public disgrace. Can you imagine the chants from the terraces?
"We don't care how you play
You're too weak to score away
With a Knick Knack Paddy-Wack
Give a dog a bone
We don’t think you score at home."
He wants to take out a super-injunction banning anyone from publishing the names of women he hasn't touched but I advised against it.
Once it’s out in the blogasphere they'll be tweeting like canaries.
Before he knows it Max Clifford will have a bevy of blousy birds queuing up to tell the world Bo hasn't slept with any of them.
Somehow, I need to get him through this.
