Around this time of year councils are afflicted with the overwhelming compulsion to dig holes, close roads and create chaos. All of which pale into insignificance compared with the impulse to ‘twin.’
I believe the verb ‘to twin’ was, specifically coined to justify councillors’ obsession with establishing relationships between their home town (the twinner) and some obscure overseas community (the twinee).
In order to qualify, the twinee must be non-English speaking, know nothing of our existence and care even less. The main criteria is that their dignitaries enjoy hobnobbing.
In 2003 Poynton targeted the Hungarian town of Erd. Coun Charles Gorst, chairman of Poynton parish council, said: "Nine members of the twinning committee, led by chairman Coun Susan Warrington, visited Erd earlier this year and were flattered by the warmth and generosity of the welcome."
I bet they were, they were probably the largest group of visitors Erd ever had who didn’t arrive in a tank.
No offence to the people of Erd, who probably do not lie awake at night dreaming of Poynton, but NINE members… come on. You’re having a laugh, right? Poynton’s full twinning committee must be larger than Erd’s population.
Seems Macclesfield has been twinned with Eckernforde, a fishing port in northern Germany, since 1953. Be honest, how many trips have you made to Eckerforde? Unless your school shipped you off on an exchange visit, you’ve probably never heard of the place.
It was, however, of such significance that no lesser person than the Mayor of Macclesfield jetted there recently, at his own expense, to resuscitate the relationship, forcing Eckerforde Council to admit that Macclesfield was but one of their six ‘twins.’ (I could be wrong here but isn’t that sextuplets?) Maybe Eckerforde is on some IVF programme?
Look, I don’t want to be a killjoy, but if councillors insist on twinning us can they at least pick places we actually want to visit like Miami, Nice or Sydney?
Well, maybe not those towns but some unsuspecting community close by where we can lay our heads (free?).
Is that a plan or what?
