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The stealth of the Royal Mail is truly second to none

I had a parcel due for delivery yesterday so I hung around the house all day waiting for Royal Mail.

I had a parcel due for delivery yesterday so I hung around the house all day waiting for Royal Mail.

The package had photos of my dogs at work taken by a professional photographer plus a couple of trophies we won so I was eager to see them.

I went outside to the post box several times to check on their arrival but in an absent nano second a note was secreted inside the box informing me my package required a signature and had been returned to the sorting office. I kid you not. These Royal Mail delivery guys are good.

A Gurkha could not have slipped by me as I waited.

A black panther would not have made it to that post box without detection, but for the Royal Mail it was a breeze. Even my dogs didn’t suspect their presence.

I tried later to see if the dogs could pick up a scent but …nothing. They simply vanished into the ether (with my parcel).

We had a couple of kid brothers in our street who could never be found when we played hide and seek and seemed to blend into the foliage in the woods.

I use to wonder what the future held for them – now I know.

Apache scouts couldn’t match the stealth of Royal Mail. There may be some ancient Bedouin tribe that comes close, but they need the cover of a sand storm.

Now, here’s the clever bit. When you go to collect your parcel from the sorting office you must take a pack mule and tie it to the surrounding railings, as the chances of finding a parking space are zero.

Royal Mail has cleverly situated their sorting office on a steep hill to protect their rear with a police station guarding their flank.

Trust me, that sorting office is damn near impenetrable.

Once inside you must line up behind the other prisoners (sorry, customers) and wait your turn.

"I’ve come to collect my parcel," you say, handing over enough ID to satisfy the Weimar Republic.

"Have you got the card we left?"

"No, it was too wet and soggy to put in my pocket."

"Well we can’t hand over your parcel without the card."

"I’ve got my driving licence."

"Sorry, I need the card."

"Isn’t there anything you can do?"

"Yes, we can deliver it again tomorrow."

"But you’ll be gone before I make it to the door."

"Don’t worry, we’ll leave you a card."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

 

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