I’ve just seen the strangest thing. A group (no, make that shoal) of women dangling their feet in a tank-full of small fish nibbling at their toes.

I don’t know who to pity most, the women or the fish (I’m edging towards the fish).

I didn’t think there was any body part left for women to fixate over. I was okay with teeth whitening, hair colouring and eye-lasering. I even understood that stepping, pumping, body-toning Lycra stuff, but then it all started to go a bit OCD, or in this case COD.

We had liposuction for women who couldn’t zumba the last few grams of fat away. Followed by Botox and trout lips, which brings us nicely back to fish, which in this case are Garra Rufa, a breed which, apparently, have no teeth and simply suck on toes.

You don’t suppose this is one gigantic con trick do you girls, promoted by Sarah Ferguson? No, hear me out. When did you last meet a bloke interested in the underside of your feet? Trust me, men at the beach aren’t ogling your bunions.

You don’t hear neighbours say: "She’s a lovely girl, except for that dry skin on the soles of her feet."

It’s just another commercial attempt to make you feel inadequate.

Do you think those Garra Rufa want to spend their lives vying with veruccas? Of course they don’t. They’d like to be basking in some sunlit river basin not trapped in the beauty spa at Harvey Nichols.

Ladies, you are already gorgeous, give the Garra Rufa a miss and spend the money on champagne. Why? Because you’re worth it.

The views on this page are Vic Barlow's and not necessarily those of the Express