I ATTENDED Macclesfield's new super surgery for the first time today and very swish it is too. Gone are the battered old sofas of my old surgery, along with my battered old doctor. I shall miss them both.
The ground floor is the size of MEN Arena and there are state-of-the-art elevators and enough lights to illuminate a Kylie concert. In the jolt of a defibrillator my old practice has been catapulted from tea-dance to stadium rock.
The first floor reception has more seats than the Hollywood Bowl, but still appeared patient friendly, until I spotted a sign which read: 'Please wait for the phlebotomist to call your number.'
Now, whoever wrote that knows nothing about Macclesfield. There'll be kids hanging around for hours waiting for someone in a helmet and beekeeping gloves to call them. Okay, there might be a few educated pensioners who know what a phlebotomist is, but after that forget it.
The words 'wiv' and 'fink' are now standard English to the 'yoof' of this town and, as anyone who frequents McDonald's will know, it's well good to mix in a little hip-hop. Ridiculous as it may sound, Brooklyn dialogue spoken with a Macc accent is where it's at... innit?
There are headmasters in this town who know more about Eminem than they do about phlebotomy, so if my doctors' practice really wants to be cool, I suggest they change that sign to:
"Yo! Listen up.
"Sit your booty down until you iz called by the blood sister.
"Respeck!"
Personally, I'd just as soon it read: 'Wait for the nurse to call you.' But then I'm not cool.
As my new doctor will undoubtedly say: "Yo is one sick mother. Get down wid de medication.
"Booyakasha!"
- THE views on this page are those of Vic Barlow and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Express.
