I applaud Sarah Rudd, head teacher of Newall Green Primary School in Wythenshawe, who has banned real footballs from the playground insisting only foam ones are acceptable.
We can’t risk young boys being hit by real footballs or (heaven forbid) they should head one.
They might cry and then what would the school do? Staff obviously couldn’t put an arm around a sobbing child as this would constitute a serious breach of ethics.
Suppose a boy were to fall over a hard football and scratch himself?
It doesn’t bear thinking about.
Look, all this charging around the playground booting footballs might be okay in Turin or the back streets of Rio de Janeiro but what has it ever done for Brazil or Italy apart from nine world cup trophies, four runner-up medals and three third places?
It all pales into insignificance when you consider how good our players are at crying.
Wouldn’t you rather your child stay indoors blowing the body parts off digital invaders becoming increasingly desensitized to graphic violence?
We just can’t have kids going outdoors risking life and limb with real footballs.
They may learn how to handle knocks and bruises without whinging or how to fall over, dust themselves down and get up without crying.
Then where would English football be?
Far better to stay indoors on the computer learning to be a violent psychopath.