YOU never know what happens in life so I think it’s sensible to take some practical precautions.

From now on I intend to wear a tag around my neck asking accident and emergency crews to ferry me to Congleton Hospital where director of nursing, Bernie Dalisbury, has banned knitting on health and safety grounds as a ‘proactive measure to avoid preventable accidents’.

Forget Staphylococcus, MRSA super bugs, ineffective hygiene and non-sterile surgical instruments, it’s that old dear in the next bed dropping one and purling two that worries the hell out of me.

Just imagine coming round from the anaesthetic when a knitting needle suddenly pings free and penetrates your jugular. Okay, you may get a woolly jumper to go with it, but it won’t stop the bleeding.

Ms Salisbury must be worth every penny of her considerable salary.

It’s not every day a director of nursing has this kind of foresight.

Other, less gifted, members of the medical profession get bogged down in minor issues like waiting lists, mortality rates and staffing levels – totally overlooking the threat posed by knitting.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the East Cheshire Authority don’t erect a statue of Ms Salisbury to remind us of her remarkable contribution to public health.

So, in the event of an emergency, it’s Congleton for me if you please.

You may scoff, but no coroner is ever going to say Vic Barlow took his own scarf with a crochet needle.